Things Dogs Must Try to Remember

Many moon ago, I wrote a weekly column for a local paper. Some of those articles are still floating around, so I may post them here once in a while. There are a bunch of these 'must remember' lists floating around. This one was mine.

Things Dogs Must Try to Remember:

1) I will not play tug-of-war with dad's underwear when he's on the toilet
2) I do not need to suddenly stand up when I am underneath the coffee table
3) The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff
4) I must shake the rainwater/snow out of my coat BEFORE coming into the house
5) I will not eat the cat's food before, or after, they have eaten it.
6) I will stop trying to find the remaining bits of clean carpet in the house when I'm about to throw up.
7) I will not throw up in the car.
8) I will not roll on dead birds, fish, frogs etc.
9) "Litter Fritters" are not food.
10) I will not eat any more socks and then deposit them in the backyard after processing.
11) The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
12) I will not chew my human's toothbrush and then not tell them.
13) I will not chew crayons or pens, especially the red ones, or my people will think I'm hemorrhaging.
14) I will not steal my mom's underwear and dance around the backyard with it.
15) The sofa is not a facecloth.
16) My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
17) We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on t.v.